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Episode #50 features a Grindhouse flick & a “Grindhouse” star

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Awesome Kurt Russell, awesome star of, among many other awesome films, “Grindhouse.” Always awesome…

Hello HYSTOphiles!

Summer is in full swing, and we are here for our 50th episode, or as Paul likes to say, “The half-century mark” (I still don’t think that’s correct, but we will have to agree to disagree).

Our first film up for discussion is my Grindhouse/Drive-In pick, the 1979 Lucio Fulci film ZombieThe movie’s tagline is “We are going to eat you!” and they really mean it. It has two absolutely unforgettable scenes that are famous/infamous in the world of horror…

EYE’m sure you’re thinking “Oh surely they won’t go there!” EYE say “Heh heh heh…”

Famous for its graphic gore, it’s a surprisingly well-written zombie movie, but the real question is this: was Paul able to handle it without getting too skeeved out? You know how to find out!

Next we talk about Paul’s pick, 2002’s Dark Blue, starring the always awesome Kurt Russell. (Well, I think he’s always awesome, and I’m the one writing this, so there. Nyah.)

Kurt Russell. ALWAYS AWESOME. ALWAYS.

ALSO! It’s #50, so we have Paul Park Figures, we rank each other’s last ten movies, and we give our choices of the top 5 and bottom 5 movies we’ve made each other watch. AND we announce the movie’s we’ve picked for our next episode, the theme of which is “One Redeeming Value.” 

Won’t you join us?

Jay

Zombie – 1979

 

Dark Blue – 2002

 

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#49 is all about girls playing soccer and women in prison…a likely pairing, right?

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Surely THIS can’t be the girl’s soccer team…

Hello HYSTO-philes! Welcome to Episode #49, where we, once again, celebrate (denigrate?) two incredibly disparate movies. Were they treasure or torture? Let’s dig in and find out…

Our first film is Paul’s choice, the 1992 Rodney Dangerfield vehicle Ladybugs. Dangerfield gets no respect from his boss, but he might be able to turn that around if he can coach a hopeless girl’s soccer team to victory. Doesn’t make any sense to you? Join the club…

“You think YOU’RE confused?”

After discussing this masterpiece (and I AM being facetious) we finally get to my choice: in keeping with my Grindhouse/Drive-In Summer Movie theme I picked the 1974 women-in-prison classic exploitation picture Caged Heat, which was Jonathan Demme’s directorial debut…

Definitely NOT a movie about a girl’s soccer team…

This movie is everything an exploitation movie should be and more, and it’s one I’ve been just dying to spring on Paul. Did he like it? You know how to find out…

Of course, as always, we also talk about what’s been entertaining us lately, and we announce our picks for Episode #50 (!), coming soon!

Won’t you join us?

Jay

Ladybugs – 1992

 

Caged Heat – 1974
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In Episode #48 we talk “KIDS” & “Humanoids”

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“Hello! So nice to see you…MANOIDS!”

Hello HYSTO-philes! We’re a little late this time around, but we made it! #48 is here, and once again we have two movies that couldn’t be more different…

I’m first this time around, and my choice for Paul is “Humanoids From The Deep,” a Roger Corman masterpiece. It has quite a backstage-story that we discuss at length…

Aw! Humanoids From The Deep are so cute!

After I skeeve Paul out (AND bring out the Dead Dog Report…sigh), We discuss Paul’s terribly disturbing choice, “KIDS.” This may be the scariest movie I’ve ever seen. No. Really. I “kid” you not…

“Hi! I’m one of the most despicable movie characters ever portrayed on screen. Know any virgins?”

Of course, before all this we discuss what’s been entertaining us lately, and we also announce our movie picks for #49. We’re getting close to our two-year anniversary!

Won’t you join us?

Jay

Humanoids From The Deep – 1980

 

KIDS – 1995
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#47 is full of dead cats (“Gummo”), but has run out of time! (“Zero Hour!”)

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Hello, HYSTO-philes! New in town?

Greetings, and welcome to Episode #47, where Paul REALLY skeeves me out, probably worse than I have ever been by any of his choices. From 1997 it’s Gummo directed by Harmony Korine..After we get through discussing the MANY dead cats in this film we cover my choice for Paul, 1957’s  Zero Hour! directed by Hall Bartlett. This movie is famous for being the inspiration for the film Airplane!, but it’s so melodramatic and over the top that it’s actually funny on it’s own…

Oh no! They’re trying to board with a service elephant! Surely they can’t do that? Oh yes they can, and quit calling me Shirley…

Of course we also discuss what’s been keeping us entertained lately, and and we announce what movies we’ll be covering next time in Episode #48.

Won’t you join us?

Jay

Gummo – 1997
Zero Hour! – 1957

 

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For Episode #46 we Walk Like A Man then we “fasten our seatbelts”…

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Hello HYSTO-philes! We are back with #46, and this time around we have every intention of  sharing some film treasures. But, then again, you know which road is paved with those proverbial “good intentions”…

Thank you, Bette…

We start off with Paul’s choice for me, the 1996 Barry Levinson film Sleepers, starring a galaxy of A-list actors. That can be a blessing or a curse, though…

Brad Pitt and Dustin Hoffman lawyer-ing it up in “Sleepers”…

Since it deals with child abuse, this is anything but a cheerful film. But is it a treasure, or did it torture me? You know there’s only one way to find out…

Next up is my FAVORITE MOVIE OF ALL TIME!  It’s the 1950 hit All About Eve starring the inimitable Bette Davis…

Wow! She really DOES have Bette Davis eyes…

It’s one of the most quotable films ever made (“Fasten your seatbelts. It’s going to be a bumpy night.” HELLO? BEST MOVIE QUOTE EVER!). As far as I’m concerned, they don’t make them any better than this, but if you want to find out how Paul feels about this one you’ll have to get it straight from the horse’s mouth. My lips are sealed!

We also talk about what we’ve been watching lately, and we announce our picks for #47 as well. It’s a super-sized episode of dramatic proportions!

Won’t you join us?

Jay

Sleepers – 1996 – directed by Barry Levinson

 

All About Eve – 1950 – directed by Joseph L. Mankiewicz
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#45 IS HERE, AND WE’RE JUST TRYING TO STAY ALIVE THROUGH THE CINEMA TORTURE!

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Getting ready to party…

Welcome back, HYSTOphiles! We are back with #45, and all I can say is THE TORTURE CONTINUES! We are doing our best to make sure the other guy is hurting BIG TIME. Who did the most damage? Let’s take a look…

First up is my choice for Paul, the 1983 sequel to Saturday Night Fever known as Staying Alive, written and directed by none other than Sylvester Stallone.

The true Dream Team. If you’re talking nightmares, that is…

This movie cracked me up back when it came out, but the real question is how did Paul feel about it? Did it entertain him the way a bad movie can, or did it make him want to blow his brains out rather than keep watching?

Yo, Adrian! Sly says I’m a dancer!

Then we get to Paul’s pick for me. He knows I HATE Adam Sandler movies, so of course he chose Billy Madison from 1995. He’s threatened me with this one before, but I dodged the bullet. I wasn’t able to this time…

Yes, Adam. I know. You’re about to let me have it…

Also, since it’s #45, we have Paul Park Figures to share, and this time around there is a big change-up! To find out about that, and what we’re covering next time around in #46, you’re just going to have to listen in! Hey, it’s a Movie Torturama!

Won’t you join us?

Jay

Staying Alive – 1983

 

Billy Madison – 1995

 

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The Torture Continues in Episode #44!

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Hello Hystophiles! Episode #44 is here and we are STILL bringing the pain down on each other. There’s no mystery or drama this time around: we both fully intended to inflict cinema torture on each other…and we succeeded!

First up is Paul’s maniacal movie, The Fan. Another baseball flick. Sigh.

It stars Robert DeNiro and Wesley Snipes, along with a whole slew of really good actors. How they all ended up in this turd of a movie is beyond me…

“You think it’s too late to just pull out of this turkey?”

After that we continue to suffer as I make Paul watch Troll 2.  If you think The Room is a bad movie you ain’t seen nothing yet…

Ok. I have to admit this cast is not quite as good looking as the cast of The Fan…

Of course we also talk about what we’ve been watching lately, and we announce our picks for the next time around in Episode #45…

Won’t you join us?

Jay

The Fan – 1996

 

Troll 2 – 1990

 

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HYSTO? #43 is here and it’s a MOVIE TORTURE EXTRAVAGANZA!

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Welcome HYSTO-philes! Episode #43 is here, and this time we are out for movie-torture blood! Paul and I have made a vow to bring the pain in the biggest way ever! First up is my choice for Paul, the Village People “biopic” Can’t Stop The Music…

Oh yeah: it’s a new low for HYSTO?…

Yes! one of the three classic musicals from the year 1980! The Perfect Trifecta: Xanadu, The Apple, and…this! Now Paul will have seen all three! Yeah, he may not live through this, but look how the people who actually made the movie were affected by making this movie…

Village People (with Valerie Perrine) during the making of “Can’t Stop The Music” and…
…Village People AFTER making Can’t Stop The Music…

This movie was directed by Nancy Walker. That’s right. Rhoda’s mother directed this movie…

Nancy Walker before directing “Can’t Stop The Music” and…

 

…Nancy Walker AFTER directing “Can’t Stop The Music”…

The movie also starred Valerie Perrine, Bruce Jenner, and Steve Guttenberg…

Steve Guttenberg before making “Can’t Stop The Music” and…
…Steve Guttenberg AFTER making Can’t Stop The Music…

After that we discuss Paul’s method of torture for me which is Major League 3: Back to the Minors. You know that when even I have heard about what a stinker sports-themed-movie this is, it MUST be bad…

This IS a baseball movie, right?

I must admit that this movie stars some actors that I actually, really like. Like Scott Bakula and Dennis Haysbert and BUT REALLY???????

Again, this IS a baseball movie, right?

I can tell you right now that one of us got burned worse than the other, but…who was it? You know there’s only one way to find out…

Won’t you join us?

Jay

Can’t Stop The Music – 1980

 

Major League 3: Back To The Minors – 1998

 

 

 

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In a Very Staunch and Very Special 42nd Episode, Paul and I (and his mom Teri) get real…

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“It’s very difficult to keep the line between the present and the past.”

Hello HYSTO friends! We are back and with Episode #42, which is our very first episode dedicated to documentary films. We also welcome our super-staunch and beloved special guest Teri Castagne (who just happens to be Paul’s mom).

Our first doc to discuss is the jazz-themed bio Chasing Trane: The John Coltrane Documentary. In case you didn’t understand from the title, this is a documentary about John Coltrane. Paul is a passionate jazz fan, so this was a no-brainer for him. I am not really a true jazz fan. Did I like it? You’ll have to listen to see.

The one and only Mr. John Coltrane.

After that Paul and Teri and I talk about the seminal 1975 film Grey Gardens. Teri and I have seen this film many times, but this is Paul’s first time to sit down for a visit with the Beales of Grey Gardens. Was he “staunch” enough to make it through the whole movie? You know how to find out…

Little Edie Beale at one of her more revealing moments…

Of course we talk about what’s entertaining us lately, and we also announce that we are DEFINITELY  trying to torture each other the next time around in Episode #43, and I think you’ll see that our picks bear that out!

Won’t you join us?

Jay

Chasing Trane: The John Coltrane Documentary – 2016

 

Grey Gardens – 1975

 

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Dreamland gets scary and Jamaica gets icy in Episode #41!!!

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Time to relax with Episode #41…

Hello everyone! It’s HYSTO? Episode #41! We’ve managed to, yet again, find two extremely different movies to expose each other to. and we start off with my pick for Paul…

A Nightmare On Elm Street (1984) by Wes Craven. Even though Paul dressed up like Freddy for Halloween as a child, he’s actually never seen the movie!

Looking good, Paul!

Then Paul sends me to Jamaica to experience the Disney flick Cool Runnings (1993). I completely remember when the Jamaican bobsled team was such a sensation at the Olympics, but I managed to never see this thing…until now.

That’s a lot of spandex. Are you sure they aren’t ice skaters?

This is the THIRD Disney sports-themed movie Paul has made me watch since we started. Did he torture me? You’ll have to tune in to find out.

We also discuss what’s been keeping us entertained (or not) lately, and we announce what films we’ve chosen for Episode #42.

Won’t you join us?

Jay

A Nightmare On Elm Street – 1984
Cool Runnings – 1984